We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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