he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
