i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
