in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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