dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
