I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
