In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
should my penis look like a turkey
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
