You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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