The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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