Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize