If i come over, it means nothing
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
