i jhust puked up my retainher.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The Olympian is in my bed
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