dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
