I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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