not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
