Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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