The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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