two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
