mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
