My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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