How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
