Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I touched a dick in church today
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
