i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
vagina is talking i cant
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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