You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
