Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
