I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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