In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
