If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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