I must be too annoying 4 u.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
