I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
