i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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