My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
