Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
