did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
