I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
