someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
