Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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