I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
