i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
