I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
