The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
