Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
