omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
As shirtless as possible
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
