I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
