I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ketchup is God's man juice
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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