Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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