Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
