Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
