I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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