I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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