Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
