you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Terrible idea I love it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
