so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
