WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
These tits shall not be calmed
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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