I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
