can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
