I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
