He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
