I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
