sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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