It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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