Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
