she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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