You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
