If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
