so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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