Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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