I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
