this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
