u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
