Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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