I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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