Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The Olympian is in my bed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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