you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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